Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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