if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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