I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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