using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
