i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize