The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She bit a glass in half.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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