How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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