She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
