you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
A+ Viking dick
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
