I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
