All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
