i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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