no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
