I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Randomize
