wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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