life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
