every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize