I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Randomize
