you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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