Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
