well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize