it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
