Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
