high people should be assigned attendants
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
