She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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