i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
