I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
