Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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