dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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