Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Welp...herpes.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
