Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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