Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
