if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
