Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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