what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
