I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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