I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
