have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
