OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
