OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
