I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
