I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
