hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
