you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
