woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Randomize
