Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
