she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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