You smell like stripper and shame
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
