Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
