Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
4 words: hood of his car
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
