Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I forget how to act sober
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
