$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
