Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
