THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
