Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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