so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
