I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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