Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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