How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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