ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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