I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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