ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
