i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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