I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
