Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
