After last night, I could never be a politician.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
