I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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