he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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