walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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