remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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