A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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