Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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