When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
