can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
