what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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