I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize