jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
