I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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