Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
