Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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