my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
