Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
