I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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