it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize