She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
