i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
