i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
