South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
