So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
