good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize