I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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