This is not my ceiling
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
