I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
